Samantha Ronson’s Got Jokes

Lindsay Lohan has stirred a verbal battle between celebrity comic, Joan Rivers and ex-lesbian lover, Samantha Ronson. The DJ, Ronson, came to LiLo’s defense after Rivers had begun to poke fun at Lindsay after her courtroom shenanigans.

The 77-year-old Rivers tweeted, “Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.” In regards to Lindsay’s profane manicure, Rivers later tweeted, “Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.”

Ronson, 32, found it hard to find the humor is Rivers’ tweets and lashed back tweeting, “Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear.”

After the minor battle of the twitches (Twitter bitches) LiLo thanked Sam retweeting, “@samantharonson thank you I love yams x.”

Wow…if things couldn’t get any worse for train wreck star Lindsay Lohan! According to recent reports LiLo’s lawyer, Shawn Champman Holley, has resigned. Sources say that as of today, Holley will no longer be working for Lindsay.

A source close to Lindsay claims LiLo said, “I’m not going to jail!”  Hah!  She thinks she can appeal the 90-day sentence.  I would quit too if I were her lawyer…I mean come on, this girl is ridiculous!  Lindsay do you really think you are going to win such an appeal, after basically telling Judge Revel to F— off?  Seriously?

Miss Lohan has apparently hired a brand new lawyer who just admitted to the bar in November…meet Tiffany Feder-Cohen.  Hah! Good luck!

Lindsay Lohan has given an explanation for the profane nail design she sported in court the other day. It was a joke… that’s not funny. The only reason it’s funny is because of how ignorant she is, and she got 90 days in jail.

LiLo took it to Twitter and tweeted, “Didn’t we do our nails as a joke with our friend? It had nothing to do w/ court.. it’s an airbrush design from a stencil.” Well, just because it exists doesn’t mean it’s appropriate Lindsay. But don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to think about it in the slammer.

However disappointed witnesses were to Lindsay Lohan arriving to her court date yesterday on time and not dressed like a hooker, she remains the vulgar and abrasive LiLo we love to be entertained by. To clear up any confusion for the symbolic meaning of the middle finger, Lohan literally spelled it out on her manicure.

Amidst her meltdown during court, where Lindsay said she did respect the judge’s orders, she did respect the court, and she didn’t think this it’s a joke, she literally sat in front of the judge with “[expletive] U,” printed on the nail polish of her middle finger.

Whether or not the not-so-subtle profane message was intended for the judge to see or if it was a LiLo fashion statement, we likely will never be sure. But we are sure LiLo was sentenced to 90 days in the slammer, which was utterly entertaining as Lindsay did not take the news very well. Keep it classy, Lindsay Lohan!

Hah! While Lindsay Lohan’s probation hearing was taking place yesterday she kept busy taking notes. Well, were you curious as to what the hell she was busy jotting down?  I sure was! Lindsay Lohan Courtroom Transcripts:

July 6, 2010
1:40 pm
@Beverly Hills Court
(Dad’s sitting behind Aliana
“Those are her -so called- friends
-Cherie Marshall - April 19, 2010
Scheduled class on April 14, 2010 &
Who re-scheduled for April 15, 2010)
-Beryl indicates LL has an excused
A deposition “Lavely/Rice/Ed” - in which
Attend deposition (b/c it was postponed) LL was
Delayed for class “right on” & was not able to attend
-May 6, 2010 Letter was addressed. In regards to LL’s progress
-August 17, 2009 - which has stated LL being more progressively compliant
- Jan 2, 2010 (face to face - but D.A. doesn’t have it / BUT Shawn does!)
#Absence - due to a signature on the wrong “sign sheet” line (mistake)
-February 2, 2010 - signature on 1 on 1 & not group class b/c that’s all LL was required to do on the date of February 2, 2010 - #missed on November 14 & made it up @1 day after.
=26 groups - for LL; 15 minute 1 on 1’s & 1 hour 1 on 1’s (interviews and groups)
-December 5, 2009 - progress reports for LL to be more consistent w/ classes - but - LL was @ classes 4 weeks in a row
-Cherie only found out about a court order online - is not the probation officer!
-re-enrollment = LL taking responsibility; rather than having others
9 absences from October 16, 2009 (but not including pre & post makeups)
NY - for scheduled shoot & work
London - for Haiti benefit & fundraiser & 6126 & work
Contract
-enrolling 21 day - no contact -
only time program
needs to contact the court and judge
*It is not fair they are
TMZ is live streamed from
7 wks out of 27 wks

WOW!  I’m glad she realized TMZ was streaming live…Hah